6 posts tagged with "Goals"

After graduating college with a Computer Science degree in 2020, I spent a lot of time looking for jobs. After a full year of no job prospects, I was getting frustrated, and was willing to take any job that I could get in the tech field. My old roommate from college would talk to me about ideas to get a business started ourselves. We would play Apex Legends together almost everyday (That game is fun as heck!), and sometimes we'd talk about this topic in between matches. Our first go at something was to create a motion detection program using the programming language Python. It has a image reading library called Open-CV. We each bought a cheap camera lens and Raspberry Pie to create the camera and test it out. Not only was it capable of detecting motion, but it would also save the specific recording in which motion was detected, and delete the rest in order to save on storage. We were planning on selling this motion detecting camera to businesses. However, this all fell through for reasons I honestly can't remember. I believe it was because of the constant issues we had with the program, and we got frustrated trying to find fixes to errors. We just silently moved on to the next idea, which was website development.

We had the idea to create a web dev company. We called it Chyme. I'm not sure how we came up with the name, but I'm pretty sure it was my old roommate's idea. It was always his idea. He was always the brains of the operation leading me along. I was never the smartest programmer. Heck, I'm using AI as a crutch for all of the project I'm working on. The word crutch is saying it lightly. It's more like a wheelchair for me at this point. I was pretty confident in this endeavor. My dad used to create websites about 15-20 years ago, so I know I could always ask him for help if I needed it. He even gave me a list of things to ask our potential clients about what type of website they want. I felt like everything would work out this time. Unfortunately, we couldn't find any clients. We would reach out to small businesses, and post ads on Facebook, but it led nowhere. It pushed me further down into the depths of hopelessness. I felt like there just wasn't any opportunities out there.

During my time in Albuquerque, I decided to give web design another try. I took my dad's old web design business, and made it my own. I once again tried reaching out to small businesses in Albuquerque, even going in personally and handing out business cards. Thankfully, I got one business owner to believe in me. It was a business that specializes in car audio. The business was right across the street from the U-Haul I was working at. I looked across the street one day during my shift, and decided to give it one last try. After my shift was over, I walk into the store with my U-Haul shirt still on. I usually wear something business casual, but I didn't care how I looked anymore. I was just so sick of preparing; all I need to do is go in there and tell them what I can do for their business. I was shocked to see that they agreed to my offer. I immediately went home and began working on website mock-ups. In the end, I made about $800 working on their website.

Today, that website is still up and running, but it's a mess. It hasn't been updated since 2023. Now that I'm unemployed and back living with my parents, I've decided to give it one more try. The third time's the charm. I plan on revamping that website I worked on in the past, as well as work on my own personal projects. You're looking at one of my projects right now. I'll talk about the other websites I'm making in the future once I've at least gotten the first page up.

Making websites is a great way for me to express myself. I can design them any way I want (my personal ones at least), and I can put whatever I want on them. It really is refreshing to create something that isn't bound by rules. When I say 'bound by rules', I'm referring to social media, which is full of restrictions on what you can post and how you can post it. This is a good opportunity for me to show people there is more to the internet than 5 websites.

I've been playing a lot of Pokemon Showdown recently. I try to post all of my matches on YouTube. They've been the bulk of my videos for the past few months, and probably will be for the foreseeable future. They are very easy to make. All I have to do is to cut the video every 2-3 battles, export it, find a good screenshot in the clip for the thumbnail, then upload it to YouTube. I've gotten a surprisingly good response from my viewers. I still have no idea how YouTube's algorithm works, but people who play Gen 3 OU (The category I play the game in) have flocked to my channel.

I really enjoy playing Pokemon Showdown. I feel like it's a good way to train my brain for Melee. I have to make decisions fast because the game is on a timer. I prefer playing Pokemon Showdown over playing Chess or Go, which I've tried playing both online and in-person at community events when I stayed in Albuquerque. I'm not sure if I'm getting the same benefits from it because I don't feel as drained as I do after a match of Chess, Go, or Melee. The decision making in those games really takes a toll on my energy levels. Especially Melee with its added pressure of execution. Maybe I like it more because I win a lot more in Pokemon Showdown than I do in any other competitive game I play. Losing a lot really leaves me in a depressed state. I'm not giving up on Melee though. I still feel like I can be the best in the world at that game.

After playing Pokemon Showdown so much, the music gets really repetitive. There's only 3-4 songs that play when you enter a match. On the search for a solution to this, I found an old post on the Smogon forums about a script that can be used to change the music in Pokemon Showdown. My first attempt at running it caused the game to not play music at all. I saw that as a good opportunity to play random music from a folder using VLC Media Player while playing Showdown. For a few weeks, I had no clue the script was causing the issue. I didn't even know it was still running until I saw on my Google Chrome extensions that it was still enabled. When I found out the script was halfway working, I decided to dig deeper and figure out why it wasn't playing any music. I've been using VS Code CoPilot to help me debug the script. So far, I've gotten my music to play during battles half the time. Other times, no music plays at all. I'll keep trying to debug the script, and once it's completely functional, post to the Smogon forums about the fix. I don't know if there are other solutions out there, but based on my web searching, there doesn't seem to be anyone who uses music outside of Showdown. Hopefully people will find it useful.

This year I'm gonna keep it simple.

No flashy gimmicks or out-of-this-world ideas. I need to focus on a few things. Here they are:

1. Sprinting
2. Melee

Nothing too crazy, just my top 2 goals in life. I won't be ignoring my other 2 goals (Dual Hearts and Trombone), I just feel like it's important to remain focused on a few things to avoid being overwhelmed.

For sprinting, I want to be able to run under 50 seconds in the 400m dash. I won't be focusing on any other race because I feel I perform better over longer distances. My ability to hold form and maintain speed is better than my ability to accelerate.

For Melee, I want to win a tournament. I'm planning on going to many tournaments around the country this year, and not just majors. I want to travel to the locals of different states, and get a lot of practice in with the people there.

When I feel I have a bit more time, I'll finish my Dual Hearts review series and show the world what I've discovered about Dual Hearts. I'll also practice my Trombone, specifically working on Flight of The Bumblebee. I won't stress too much on these 2 goals this year.

I'm a competitor at heart, so the first 2 goals are a must. Especially sprinting. I'm turning 28 this year, and I may only have about 6-7 years left in my physical prime. I really want to see how fast I can get.

The more I look back on my August 14th post, the more it feels like I need to elaborate more on what I'm saying. Especially that last paragraph, which seemed pretty jarring. This blog is a place where I get personal and hold no punches, so expect to see more of that as time goes on.

A few days ago my cousin was ran over by multiple cars and killed. It was a shock to me and many others, including my dad. He talked to me about how sad it was that he did not reach his full potential. He used my cousin's death as an example of what I would become if I didn't start taking action and get a stable income.

My late cousin was out on the streets. As far as I know, he was just walking around as a homeless man. He had a history of drug use. My dad believes he might have been on drugs during the time of the accident. I didn't know much about his personal life because I hadn't seen him in about 3-4 years.

My dad gives me lectures about how I need to stop surviving and start thriving. I, however, don't see the way I'm living as surviving or thriving. I would call it adapting. I've talked about my situation in prior posts, but I'll go in a bit more detail.

In mid October of this year, I made the trip back home to Houston. I shipped my car back, and am in the process to get it fixed so I can get back to traveling. Including that, my other main goals are balding Gamecube controller buttons to sell at the next Genesis, resting to get back to sprint training, and training my Melee Pikachu.

These are things my dad is fine with. What he's not fine with is that I do not have a stable income. I left my jobs at Wendy's and Home Depot when I left Albuquerque. That's right, I'm unemployed. And when people are unemployed in this country they are seen as lazy and entitled. "Why can't they find a job and work like the rest of us?" is what I assume pops up in many employed people's heads when they see someone like me.

My dad tells me he doesn't want me to have the fate of the many male members of my family. I have a transgender older sister who is living a similar life as what my cousin was living through. Right now, she is living on the streets of downtown Houston. I saw her this week for the first time in a few years when me and my dad drove around downtown looking for her. "When you see him walking, you'll know it's him because no one walks like him". When my dad saw her walking down the street with a fast, flamboyant gait, my dad knew immediately it was her.

We took her to the nearby Jack in the Box, a place she frequents. A worker there told me she comes by late at night, and he feeds her. My dad orders her some food and leaves to buy her some cigarettes. As we sit beside each other at a table, I try to talk to her a bit.

She's very jittery. Almost two times as jittery as when I saw her a few years ago. She responds to everything I say with a fast "yeah", "yup", or "mhm". She stands up and sits back down immediately from time to time. She moves her arms and hands in random patterns. She bangs her head against the back of the seat at times. It was all very unnerving.

The most haunting part of me trying to talk to her was when she looked me in the eyes. She did it before, but they were only fleeting glances. There was one time where she stared at me for a solid 5 seconds. During those 5 seconds I tried to find her old self within her eyes. I wanted to see a small glint of hope that she was still in there, that the drugs didn't take her completely. Unfortunately, all I saw was nothingness. It felt as if those wide, blood shot eyes had nothing beyond them.

My dad tells me he wishes that I don't become like my sister. He believes we are put on this earth to grow. Not just physically, but spiritually. He also tells me he doesn't want to live life worrying about my well-being. But why should I care what he thinks about me? I wasn't brought into this world by choice. Why should I have to live my life to quell his worries? I have the free will to do what I want, just like he has the free will to worry.

He brought my sister into this world, and she hasn't lived up to his expectations. So what? She didn't live up to my expectations either. Do you think I want my sister to be living the way she is? Although I don't like the way she's living, it was her choice. I won't be living my life in hopes that my dad will be proud of me. Whatever I do will be of my own volition, and I won't be looking to others for approval.

This was a post I made about 3 years ago. 2022 was a great year for me. I traveled to a lot of tournaments, and got to meet so many people; many of which I wouldn't recognize if I meet again so don't be mad at me please (I can't remember all these got dang faces!).

Anyway, this X/Twitter post I made was of me reflecting on all the traveling, filming, and editing I did the entire year. I was proud of myself for reaching 1,000 subscribers. I never thought I could reach so many people. It gave me hope for the future, and I was so excited to continue this journey.

Then 2023 hit.

This was the worst year of my life.

My Wells Fargo remote job fired me, so I had to stop traveling to work at U-Haul. I had quit my job at U-Haul in 2021 and moved to Albuquerque when I landed the remote job. It felt like I was back at square one.

The remote job was fining me $10,000 because I had breached their contract to stay in Houston. They were ending remote work, but I had no idea I wasn't allowed to move. There are Wells Fargo locations everywhere, so I thought I could just work at any location.

In addition to U-Haul, I also decided to work at Whataburger to make more money to pay for the fine.

All of these things hit me so hard. I had no idea what to do. I felt like I had failed. I was just at the top of the world, traveling to several different states and even Canada. Now I'm stuck in a small fast food kitchen taking orders.

After a few months working at Whataburger, I decided to quit. My mental health was deteriorating, and it was taking everything in me not to just up and leave while on the shift. They mainly had me at the window taking orders or handing the food out. It was tearing me up inside having to stand in one spot without any freedom of movement.

After about 7-8 months working at U-Haul, I decided to drive back to Houston for a break. I was only planning to be there for about a month. Unfortunately, my car was having issues, and would not be able to handle the long drive back to Albuquerque. I needed to make some money to fix the car before I could make my trip back. I called my boss at the U-Haul location in Albuquerque and asked him to transfer me to my old location in Houston.

This was an amazing experience. Initially, I felt like an utter failure having to go back to the job I had left when I got my remote job opportunity with Wells Fargo. I was back in the same place I was when I started. It felt embarrassing seeing the coworkers I had told I was leaving for a better job just about a year ago. I thought I was back at square one.

However, this feeling within me did not remain that way. My coworkers were so kind and understanding. They did not look down or belittle me, they welcomed me and appreciated my presence. I had a lot of fun hanging out with them. It never felt like I was working when I was around them. My mental health was improving through an unexpected source.

Before I left back to Albuquerque, me and my coworkers had a going away party at an Anime bar. I'm so glad I got the chance to go back to my old job. It not only humbled me, but changed the way I viewed success. I no longer want to work in a office job or even a salaried job. I feel that true success is when you are able to do what you want without fear of failure. The happiness I felt going back to the U-Haul in Houston showed me that as long as I'm around people who uplift and make me happy, I don't care how much money I'm making.

I deleted my social media accounts because they are getting in the way of me accomplishing my goals. They have become distractions to my mission.

My main goal is to become the fastest human being of all time. Although I have other ambitions, they are not as important as this one. I have decided to do whatever it takes to accomplish this goal. That includes removing the things in my life that have become hindrances.

I actually have 4 main goals, but sprinting is the one I will be spending the most time on. Here they are in order of least to most important:

1. Sprinting
2. Melee
3. Dual Hearts
4. Trombone

No matter how much I look at this list, I can’t find any way to compromise and fit other things in. I’m barely gonna have enough time as it is to work on these things. After a lot of time thinking and reflecting, I decided to throw away several other goals and just focus on these ones.

I will still be making content (Heck, I’m doing it right now), but I will only be posting content on a few websites and YouTube.

There’s one last thing I want to say. I’ve made some promises to people involving creating videos or playing a certain video game. I want to apologize for not completing those promises. I can no longer live a life where I am not focusing on myself. It has worn me down far too long trying to satisfy others. I am a truly selfish person at heart, and I can not lie to myself any longer. Any action I make from now on will be of my own volition.